i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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