Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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