dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
