She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are a genius and a whore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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