How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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