im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
