oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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