Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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