Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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