i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
