I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
