Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
