And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
