Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
