If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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