Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
