Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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