i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
