stop calling my apartment porn island.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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