Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize