I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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