Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
