That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my being single is dangerous.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
