Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize