Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
