How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
