dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
