At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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