So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
