Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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