Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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