How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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