sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit