They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence