I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing