So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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