I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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