ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.