I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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