i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.