They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
