That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
