my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
