there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
