just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
