Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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