Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
