Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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