i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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