You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
