do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
