bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
