My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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