so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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