Sry I called you an 8
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
