Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
