"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
