Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
