So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
