I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
