I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
