gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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