I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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