Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
