What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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