You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
