Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
