I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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