You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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