you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
