You're my little dorito
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
