If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
