If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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