i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
