We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
