Me. At least after what I've been through.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
